James-emails selected by Ron

Date:     2009-11-09
Subject:  FW: Thought you might like this

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around.  We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.  My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received.' 

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world. 

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. 

The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.'  I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth. 

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed.  'How is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked. 

'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments.' 

'How does one acknowledge God's blessings?' I asked. 

'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, Lord.' 

'What blessings should they acknowledge?' I asked. 

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world.  If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world 's wealthy.' 

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in  the world who has that opportunity.' 

'If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.' 

'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.' 

'If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.' 

'If your parents are still alive and still married ..you are very rare.' 

'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.' 

Ok, what now? How can I start? 

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all. 

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you care to, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are. 

ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.
'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it.' 

If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on? I thank God for everything, especially all my family and friends! 

Subject:  FW: Check out Finding Joy Movie

STOP and take time to smell the ROSES! 

Finding Joy Movie, click here: http://www.findingjoymovie.com/

Subject:  FW: 7%

Subject:  FW: This is one of the prettiest e-mails ever!

Date:     2009-11-25 17:27:28
Subject:  FW: Luv Ya
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>
To:       eugene reimer <ereimer@shaw.ca>

There were probably many, many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves with all the e-mails I send.  So today I just wanted to tell you.........

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Suck it up, "Cupcake" !!!

Cause there are NO changes planned for 2010 !!!

Date:     2009-12-02 11:19:50
Subject:  FW: Why I forward jokes
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>
To:       eugene reimer <ereimer@shaw.ca>

This explains why I forward jokes.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. 

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'. The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered. 

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.' 



Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes. 

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime! 

Subject:  FW: Interview with God

If you have seen this sometime before as I have, hope you don't mind seeing it again.

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

Date:     2010-01-19 22:49:49
Subject:  I'm older than dirt, Are you?
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained. 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...

I never had a telephone in my room.The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
 
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week.  He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. Do you remember head lights dimmer switches on the floor? Ignition switches on the dashboard? Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards? Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner? Using hand signals for cars without turn signals?

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....

Subject:  How To Make A Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate



WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls



AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes



IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Show up naked

2. Cook some food

Subject:  I BELIEVE IN ANGELS

Date:     2010-01-26 12:09:01
Subject:  Checking On You
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>

From: Rebecca.Friesen@gov.sk.ca

Date:     2010-03-04 18:16:04
Subject:  Who is doing the work???
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>

The population of Canada is 32.5 million. 

14.5 million are retired or on welfare.  That leaves 18 million to do the work.

There are 12.5 million in school.  Which leaves 5.5 million to do the work.

Of this there are 1.5 million employed by the federal government.  Leaving 4 million to do the work. 

0.1 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with Afghanistan & finding Osama Bin-Laden.  Which leaves 3.9 million to do the work. 

Take from that total the 3.6 million people who work for provincial and municipal governments.  And that leaves 0.3 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 228,000 people in hospitals and care homes.  Leaving 72,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 71,998 people in prisons.  That leaves just two people to do the work.  You and me.  And there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.  Nice.  Real nice !!

[Remarks by ER:  Interesting but the stats need work:  had the writer remembered to subtract pre-school children from the workforce, the number of Canadians doing productive work would have come to negative-five-million!]

Date:     2010-03-16 13:27:18
Subject:  My life as a car!
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it. 

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. 

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. 

But here's the worst of it:

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter - either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Date:     2010-03-22 18:12:09
Subject:  Life is for the elders
From:     james friesen <jjfriesen@hotmail.com>

One day I had lunch with some friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along with them -- all in all a pleasant bunch.

When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, "Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate." I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. "Along with heated apple pie," Jim added, completely unabashed.

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.. But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine. I couldn't take my eyes off Jim as his pie a-la-mode went down. The other guys couldn’t believe it. They ate their lunches silently and grinned.

The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Jim. I lunched on white meat tuna. He ordered a parfait. I smiled. He asked if he amused me. I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?"

He laughed and said:

"I'm tasting all that is Possible. I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good.

This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I haven't been this old before. So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored.

I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven’t fished. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.

There are too many golf courses I haven’t played. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes.  

I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace.

I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.

I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again.

So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired."

With that, I called the waitress over. "I've changed my mind," I said. "I want what he is having, only add some more whipped cream!" 

This is my gift to you - We need an annual Friends Day! If  you get this twice, then you have more than one friend. Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy.  

SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS including me if I'm lucky enough to be counted among them.

Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like and respect. Remember that while money talks,  CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!